A Southwest Airlines flight from Nashville to Baltimore last night made an unscheduled stop in West Virginia. Because a hole "appeared" in the plane, in the same sense that a meteor "appeared" over the Yucatan, then obliterated the dinosaurs.

Various stories have used the verb "appeared," "opened," and "developed" to describe the motherfucking hole in the god damn airplane what was way the hell up in the sky, doubtless causing all aboard to pee their pants at least a little. This is a somewhat more vivid description:

"All of the sudden, the loudest noise I ever heard came out of nowhere," he said. "There was no pop, no creak, no explosion-like noise. There was just a loud roar. It took me a couple of seconds to wake up. I got the baseball cap out of my face and I look up and there's the sun coming through the ceiling. ...I saw sky where I shouldn't be seeing it."

Southwest officials say they're stumped thus far as to why their cocksucking plane blew a hole, for Christ's sake, thousands of feet above the ground. But the passengers say they cheered and high-fived the captain after he landed, as you would imagine, since he's the guy who saved their ass from that life-sucking hole in the Jesus-loving aircraft, sucking and roaring and trying to pull them right out of the flippin' plane so they could fall thousands upon thousands of feet to their deaths.

The dude is no Sully but you're hellafied right he deserves a high five, or whatever the heck else he wants. Shit. Airplanes should not have holes.
[USAT. Pic via]