With the stink of celebrity deaths and recession wafting around us, we need a restorative figure of youth. A symbol of American virility. A man who, despite his antiquated views of women and Jews, can make America feel giddy again.
Is there any one who could possibly meet our nation's most pressing demand? Is there any one out there who can just make us feel good again?
Yes! His name is Jon Hamm you may recognize from the the trillion of subway ads you've been seeing. Bless the thoughtful souls of AMC marketing who are revving up their full throttle promotion for Mad Men's third season premiere (only 33 more days!) Not only are they clearing the fetid air with Hamm's scent of masculine perfection (Sandalwood? Coolwater?) but they're trying to stimulate our economy!
First to the retailers! Banana Republic will be premiering a line of " 'Mad Men' Inspired clothes line. Think sharp suits, wide skirts and scotch-guarded collars to protect from the lip stains left by lonesome hussies. Do you think BR will sell Jon Hamm's undershirts as novelty items? Do you think I can get one? Do you think Jon Hamm reads Gawker? Does he know I'M SINGLE?
Next up, the print business! Variety invites you to 'Relive the 1960's' . Sponsored by Mad Men, the trade has scanned and archived some of the big Hollywood headlines from The Old time. Ah, remember the the Old Time? When men like Don Draper could buy a car, a house, an apartment for his mistress without fear of mortgage meltdown and a Jackson family reality TV show?
But it doesn't stop there! No, Jon Hamm is even reviving the integrity of American Baseball! No more of this beefy divas dopped up on goofballs! No! Just a man with a strong jaw, a firm set of hands, a numbing sense of alienation and despair brought on by the post-war paradigm, and a basic cable show, playing some ball. Ladies and gentlemen: JON MOTHERFUCKIN' HAMM.