Goldman Sachs Management to Employees: 'No More Douchebaggery!'

Maybe you heard yesterday about how things are going great over at Goldman, like $1,000,000 for each employee great? So surely there were some sick banker celebrations going down last night, right? Not if management can help it!

Maybe you were thinking like we were—That last night would a night for bottles popping all over town as Goldman's finest masters of the universe once again grabbed the city by the ballsack to celebrate yet another successful sodomizing of the American economy.

Nope. They're laying low, wisely we might add, something our pals at Cityfile learned when they contacted Goldman communications chief Lucas van Praag (Yep, that's really his name!) to find out where the party would be at, to which van Praag said the following:

Neither Lloyd Blankfein nor anyone else at Goldman Sachs has plans to celebrate our second quarter results.

Whoa! Well isn't that just a bucket of ice water poured down the ole britches?! Nevertheless, we have faith that the Goldmanites won't be able to contain their bonus-happy enthusiasm much longer and that they'll be back out on the town dropping what most people make in a month on bottles of fancy champagne before you know it. And when they do, we'd be very happy if you told us about it!

FInally, Matt Taibbi's much talked about Goldman article for Rolling Stone is finally up on the magazine's website. Go read it. Everyone should.

Lloyd Blankfein Plans to Make it a Bloackbuster Night [Cityfile]
The Great American Bubble Machine [Matt Taibbi/Rolling Stone]
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