Tragic Shark Victims Descend on Washington Demanding Mercy For Their AttackersS

Capitol Hill is hosting "what could be the largest gathering of American shark-attack survivors to date," with shark victims demanding Congress act immediately to destroy the vicious serial killers of the sea. Wait, no, they want to save sharks?

The shark-attack victims are calling for new, stronger restrictions on shark-fishing, because all the sharks are endangered. But why do these people want to save them? They have all fallen in love with the monstrous fish that stole their arms.

"They're vicious, and they're mean," Anderson said. "But, you know, I don't have any right to be angry at the shark."

"We'll finally be heard," said Al Brenneka, 52, who lost his right arm to a seven-foot lemon shark in 1976. "Who should speak up for the sharks, better than the people that the sharks have spoken to themselves?"

"We're seriously scarred . . . and some of us are missing limbs, and we have every right to hate sharks," Salamone said, sketching out the group' spiel for senators today. "I think the message is: If we can see the value in saving sharks, everyone should."

DeGruy said his experience gave him an appreciation of what it is like to be a shark, seriously injured and left helpless in the water.

"We've been finned," he said of his injuries. "It's not a good thing."

It sounds to us like the sharks still have their teeth in these poor people's souls.