The Way We Live Now: Muhfuckas are robbing us! Male models are robbing people. Someone's robbing Orlando Bloom. Politicians are robbing us all. Looking good in hard times is a tough row to hoe.
A 20 year-old Hugo Boss model named Joshua Walter was arrested for robbing a slew of bodegas, etc. across Queens and Brooklyn with a crew of non-models. He even pistol-whipped somebody, cops say. He's also living with his former high school teacher. "When Department of Education investigators questioned Walter about Salamino, he said, 'I'm tapping that ass and there's nothing you can do about it.'"
Not going to touch that one. Let's just say the recession is so bad that models are now doing stickups. Moving on: What sort of monster would rob American hero Orlando Bloom? Somebody did. That's for sure. They took $500K in cash and jewels from his home in Hollywood while Orlando was innocently in New York, looking good.
Perhaps it was the fact that he keeps half a million dollars worth of cash and jewels in his empty home? No matter. We have reached the third part of our robbery journey: the part where Manhattan city councilman Miguel Martinez admits that he stole more than $100,000 of taxpayer money. He is a fairly good-looking person, as well.
If you see any good-looking men, call the police at once.