There's an old joke about the difference between prostitution and sex being that you're paying someone to go away in the morning. That said, if you're married to Swedish countess Marie Douglas-David, it officially costs $50M to kick her out.
The New York Post put together a wonderful little scorecard (below) on the divorce between Douglas-David and billionaire George David, which is finally drawn to an armistice. It's been a long drawn-out War of the Roses involving his accusations of her trying to force him into having way too much sex, and her costing upwards of $53K a week just to survive on the mean streets of the Upper East Side. She originally wanted $100 Million, but he wasn't giving in, instead only setting her up to live with around $30M in stock. But the best is the comical courthouse reaction of CEO David, who just paid $50M for her to GTFO and shut the coffee maker off on her way, please:
"I'm happy. I'm happy as can be!" the mogul crowed moments before signing a settlement in which he gives his former bride $42 million under their original postnup, plus $6.5 million in cash and the forgiveness of a $1.5 million tax debt she owed him. "It's a beautiful day out there," David said, smiling, when asked the reason for his happiness. "I got a great boat race tomorrow around Martha's Vineyard."
Asked if he'd marry again, he demurred, "Well, I don't know."
Please, of course our boat-racing fiend (a sexually passive act if there's ever been one, yeah?) is getting married again. If this floozy only cost a dirty $50mil to kick to the curb, surely he can go further upmarket for a bromide-addicted Nordic duchess or something? They make those too, I hear. Don't we have a Baroness we can take a cut from around here? As for the fate of the besieged bride-no-more:
"I'm just very relieved it's over," her highness said as she left court, single once more. "We're very happy we could get this over with and settle it." She isn't saying if she'll find another place in Manhattan or go back to Sweden, where she no longer has rights to a stunning $16 million seaside Stockholm penthouse she'd fought furiously to get her hands on. It's the ex-groom's now, free and clear.
"Stockholm's a beautiful town," he teased. "I'm sure I'll be back there. They've got some nice boat races there, too."
Boat races? What's with you people and the fucking boat races? Oh, christ. You guys were made for each other. I give it six months and she's back to raping him in no time. Don't forget to turn the lights off on the way in, and bring back some of that lingonberry shit when you return, yeah? Great.
CASH COUNTESS [NYP]