If Paula Abdul Wants a Job, She Should Learn from Mary Murphy's Crazy ScreechingS

It's no secret that Paula Abdul's position on the judging panel of American Idol is as tenuous as her grasp on reality. Where should she turn for inspiration? Try So You Think You Can Dance's resident loon, Mary Murphy.

Though we love Paula's slurry antics, the problem with her (and the judging panel as a whole) is that we know exactly what she's going to say before the contestant is even finished butchering their overexposed pop song of the week. Even though Simon Cowell has her back, we can understand why Fox wouldn't want to pay her millions to say "Don't listen to Simon, sweetie. You are a bright light shining from within a blue jay that sings like a butterfly. Now buy my jewelry."

Mary Murphy, on the other hand, is a kook with some cred. Not only did she have a legit dancing career, but her over enthusiasm is saved for the contestants that actually earn it. For those who do less than stellar, she gives them constructively critical remarks.

But when they do well, she is all screams, claps, and laughter while doling out rides on the "Hot Tamale Train." It's kind of like watching a hyena have an orgasm. But funnier. Not only do we love Mary, but we trust her. Paula more like your drunk aunt who you laugh at as she drools on herself in the corner.

We wouldn't change a thing about Paula, and we don't want her as snide as Simon, ridiculous as Randy, or cunty as Kara, but, for heaven's sake, lady, be as critical of the singers as you are in your drug prescriptions.