The Way We Live Now: Taxed and Spent. But high! Marijuana taxes will save California from descending into Mad Max-dom. Residents celebrated by forsaking ugly shoes. Wall Street couldn't be happier!
In Oakland, voters passed a tax on medical marijuana. "Tax and regulate," as weedheads who want weed to be legal say for public relations purposes. Dealers have to pay about $20 for every $1,000 worth of weed sold. Only 2%, cheap! One Oakland politician thinks it could bring in a million bucks a year (from only four sellers in the city), enough for the city to fancify itself with "roads" and "running water," making it the envy of the rest of broke-ass California.
Now if Oakland can make a million bucks a year on such a paltry tax, imagine if the whole country legalized "medical" marijuana and taxed it at, say 5%. It would have to bring in... Christ, dude, billions of fucking dollars every year. This is truly the future of recessionomics in America.
Also, nobody's buying Crocs any more. To celebrate these two pieces of good news, the Dow rose above 9,000 today for the first time in six months. Everybody on Wall Street will be lighting spliffs with burning Crocs tonight. Our troubles are almost over.