AP to Finally Invent Indexing of Text on Internet

This is great: The Associated Press is going to set up a "news registry," so it can finally tell where its text content is, on the internet. What a fresh concept! But the revolution doesn't end there.

The AP has also invented an amazing new "microformat," a digital wrapper for its online stories. The format will magically unearth journalistic misconduct and prevent anyone from using news in a way not pre-authorized by AP.

For example, the format preemptively warns people not to steal content, in case they were thinking about it.

It also provides the AP with an automated way to tell people when its stories are plagiarized, when the quotes are made up, and when a direct conflict of interest has been added to the story. How convenient and pracical! Here's how this will look, according to a promotional slideshow:

AP to Finally Invent Indexing of Text on Internet




Finally, someone has invented a technology that allows plagiarists and cheats to confess their crimes in an automatic fashion. We predict this will work brilliantly, with no unforseen complications to inhibit its inevitable widespread use and adoption.

We've criticized the AP for knowing fuck all about the internet, blogging, and just generally relating to sentient human beings, but we have to hand it to the wire service: After changing how the world uses social media, embeds YouTube videos and sees Google, AP has done it again. We'll never look at AP news quite the same way.

(Top pic via)