We showed you the insider's guide surviving McKinsey & Co.'s culling of the Conde Nasties, but it turns out that reality television staple Survivor also hold plenty of (probably useless) advice to outwit, outplay, and outlast your coworkers.
Build an Alliance: This is the strategy that original winner (and tax evader) Richard Hatch pioneered and has subsequently been aped on every competitive reality program since. Why not use it to save your job? The trick is you can't hitch your wagon to people you actually like. No, you have to get in league with people who want to band together for self-preservation rather than camaraderie, people who will have your back because you'll have their back, not because they think you're fun and share a town car home with you after closing (those days are probably over too). And if someone starts to raise allegations about one of your "people" fight back, but not too loudly. The best alliance is one that no one ever knows about.
Be a Swing Vote: If you can't get into a good alliance, the only other suitable Survivor strategy is to be a swing vote. In this scenario, you have to align yourself with various warring factions in order to give them the strength they need to pick the other ones off. Build inroads into other departments and publications, so if they need your voice, you can chime in when and where you need to. They won't realize you played both sides of the fence until they're out the door.
Get an Immunity idol: The person with the immunity idol can not be voted out. You need to get one of your own. Gossip on the boss will only get you so far (and if you have some, please send it our way). Make sure there is one thing that only you know how to do to serve as your idol. Make sure that everyone knows that such-and-such will not get done unless you're still there, because the idol is useless unless you wear it around your pretty little neck like that bauble you stole from the sample closet.
You're Not Here to Make Friends: As this classic video reminds us, you are not here to make friends—except with the people from McKinsey. As for your coworkers, screw 'em. Make sure you do what is best for yourself, and don't think about anyone's feelings. Do you want to have a buddy to take to lunch or do you want a job to pay for it?
Do Your Job and Don't Stick Out: Among the first people voted out every season are the crazy (like poor Sandy, here) and the lazy. Make sure you are neither. Don't assert your individuality, and keep yourself busy. But don't fly under the radar for too long unless people think that your just floating by. After the first rounds of lay offs, start showing off all the hard work that you've been doing while everyone else was freaking out and popping Xanax.
Follow these steps and you're well on the way to a $1 million check. Or to the curb with your shit in a box, more likely.