In a lesser town, Emmanuel "Ojo" Ojofeitimi would have been just another dude whose wife got angry at him for cheating and poured a cauldron of boiling water over his genitals while he slept. In New York, we have tabloids!

Ojo's appearance at the hospital sent hospital employees flying to the phones to call their favorite tabloid reporters. Ojo was only too happy to describe the dramatic incident in detail!

"I didn't know what had happened. By the time I woke up, the skin was falling off," Ojofeitimi said.

"It sounded like a woman screaming," a neighbor in their Springfield Gardens building said of the 6 a.m. attack.

Between the Daily News and the Post, this story got a total of nine bylines today. If the Al "Grits" Green incident happened today, an entire spinoff paper would need to be launched. Tabloids: there when we need them.