Leading men are dead. Who are the symbols of movie male virility in 2009? Gentle, sensitive, geeky male outsiders with a love of Lou Reed and snug hoodies! It's time to sack up and throw away the sweater vest.

You know exactly what we're talking about: well-meaning, fragile, cerebral, maladjusted boys with an anemic sexual persona and child-like notions about women. It was cute for a while! And we certainly needed someone besides Matthew McConaughey to fill our wasted nights. But now ladies in their twenties are stuck with these infants in Morissey onesies as our leading men. No wonder tweens and mommies are swooning for the pasty boys in Twilight, at least those guys will leave a couple of marks on you after a romp!

It's not just an aesthetic thing. It's a (lady) boner killer for a any woman who has a dark streak —and really, what self-respecting woman doesn't? These awkward young men are so soft, so emotionally naive that it's clear that any one woman with a penchant for a couple cocktails and hair pulling would shatter these precious, cutesywutesy little boys. Bring back the angry young men who could at least make you feel like a woman instead of a girl.


Examples! Run the clips please:

Jesse Eisenberg in Adventureland. Sad, smug, virgin who tries to save a slutty K. Stew.

John Krasinski in Away We Go. Cheerful, smug, bookish Dave Eggers stand in who tries to shield his unborn child from the ills of normal people who lead unmeaningful lives.

Demetri Martin in Taking Woodstock. He even has the haircut of an 8 year old (actual age: 36).

Joseph Gorden-Levitt in 500 Days of Summer. Morrisey loving nerd tries to pin down his manic pixie girl.

Micheal Cera in Paper Heart. I like Michael Cera a lot. But I'm pretty sure he doesn't have genitals — just a fleshy, rainbow colored patch that rests under his corduroy pants.

Hugh Dancy in Adam. Maybe Hollywood is getting the point? Adam is the same kind of nerdy, quirky, sort of hunky outsider. Except this movie blames all of his quirky awkwardness on Asperberger's syndrome. Fine! That's it! No more! Jokes over.