Gyms Without Trapezes Now Unacceptable

One would think that hard times would drive people to replace their fancy gyms with heavy logs and Super Squats, but nay! New York's busy professionals can scarcely be bothered to consider a gymnasium that is not Cirque Du Soleil-ready.

The most basic form of exercise consists of picking up something heavy and carrying it around. The average American does this when walking, so standard gym workouts engender a profound sense of ennui. We are the richest nation on earth! We live in the nicer parts of Manhattan! Our attention span has been shortened to fractions of a second by the eroding influence of the internet! The world must cater to us, and our gym must have "creative" classes! It's a trend!

This Equinox class, which uses modified circus equipment as part of a cardiovascular workout, is called Jukari Fit to Fly..it has offered classes like a Brazilian derrière-lift and Skinny Jeans Workout...hip-hop dance, a samurai-sword class and a spinning class to gospel music...AntiGravity Yoga Wings class...Aerobics With an Attitude (taught by a drag queen), Firefighter Workout and Kama Sutra Yoga..."Dodgeball was big one year,"...Pole Dancing, Strip Bar, Turning Tricks and Pole-Lates...Catwalk Confidence, in which a podiatrist teaches women how to walk properly in high heels, and Pilates Together, where mothers use their babies as weights...Craig Walker, a lawyer from Brooklyn, said he "had no idea" that the class [called "Knockout Brides"] was geared toward brides.

Discussion questions:
1. Why is Equinox so expensive? Is it the trapezes?
2. Why did the writer of this article admit in print that she found "patting my bottom through my legs" impossible?
3. What the fuck?

[NYT. Pic via]