Michael Cera has dumped long-time girlfriend Charlyne Yi. At least that's what a source tells Star Magazine now that Cera is "superfamous" he's "itching to date other people." Here's how we cope.
This sad news comes in the middle of the young couple's publicity tour for Paper Heart, the fake documentary about how their real-life (now real-dead) romance came to be. Or perhaps this is just some publicity stunt? Some kind of meta-advertising gimmick affirming Paper Heart's notion that true love is hard to find and hold? In this era of put-ons and fakery (yeah, yeah, we know you may very well be reading this right next to a banner ad for Paper Heart — it's not our call) who can trust anything? Certainly not dating gossip about America's Twee-hearts from an outlet like Star.
Still, the Yi-Cera relationship gave the sweatpants community of geek girls hope that their precious wit and song writing skills were enough to keep a sensitive young man away the dopey taneroxic starlets of Hollywood. So doesn't this news make you want to pout?
What's even more pout-inducing is what else Star's source told the tabloid:
"Charlyne is beyond sad. And the break-up is so much harder because she'll have to see him on tour."
Michael Cera, how could you? We know we gave you guff for being a mopey hipster but if we take it all back will you snuggle back up to Yi?
As a whip-smart commenter pointed out a love-affair with between Yi and Cera would have been like a "gummi bear getting it on with the Velveteen Rabbit." We speculated that a boy with Cera's sexual persona may in fact not have genitals, just a rainbow colored fleshy patch that sparkles when excited. If this is true, which is likely, then could Cera and Yi ever really have dated?
Whether put-on or physical impossibility, both theories leave room for a Cameron Crowe-style reconciliation. Young geeky outsider chooses to go after a popular beauty but discovers she is shallow and small minded thus forcing him to look in his own backyard. There he sees a girl with unwaxed eyebrows, in sweatpants, strumming a guitar and she embodies beauty in her own independent way.
Drinks are on us, Charlyne!