Geffen Signs Pope

Oh man, the Pope totally sold out—he just signed a record deal with David Geffen the gay Malibu beach-hoarding billionaire. We bet some sleazy A&R guy promised to make him rich. Don't listen to 'em, Ratzi!

Geffen will apparently release an album of our beloved Nazi Pope singing and reciting prayer to the Virgin Mary. And then Geffen will convince the Pope to join The Eagles, the end.

[Photo: Getty]