Happy Where's the Birth Certificate Day, Barack Obama!

Barack Obama was born on this day in 1961, to Stanley Ann Dunham and Barack Obama, Sr. and Malcolm X and a communist named Frank, in Kenya. Happy Birthday, Mr. President! Or, as your parents would say, عيد ميلاد سعيد

Happy Where's the Birth Certificate Day, Barack Obama!

How is Obama celebrating? He is going to have lunch with every single Democratic senator. (Sorry, Joe Lieberman and Bernie Sanders!) (Unless you guys count because you caucus with the Democrats, we're not sure!)

Obama will ask them to please get some more money for his "cash for shitty cars" program, or whatever he calls it, and then he will hopefully just yell at them for an hour or two, reserving his filthiest language for Max Baucus.

Happy Where's the Birth Certificate Day, Barack Obama!

Here is the sort of "tough talk" that could stand to be a bit tougher, for example:

The meeting comes as Senate Democrats are growing increasingly weary of bipartisan health care reform negotiations being run by Senate Finance Committee Chair Max Baucus (D-Mont.). Sen. Charles Schumer on Monday said if the three Republicans and three Democrats on that committee who are negotiating can't reach an agreement by mid-September, Democrats are likely to end their attempts at getting broad GOP support for a bill.

Happy Where's the Birth Certificate Day, Barack Obama!

Oh, man, Max, if your pointless fucking posturing negotiations involving six Senators from some of the least populous states in the union, three of whom are in the minority party and ideologically opposed to health care reform, do not get your ridiculous toothless bill out of committee soon, they may give up on seeking Republican support a month-and-a-half from now!

Argh.

Anyway, after lunch Obama will pray to Mecca and reread his Little Red Book.