Bill Clinton Frees US Reporters From Kim Jong-Il's ClutchesS

Bill Clinton went on over to North Korea, met the crazy dictator there, and won: North Korea has pardoned Current TV reporters Laura Ling and Euna Lee for their slanders and calumnies.

Reuters has the breaking news. You have to give Kim Jong-Il credit. As soon as the psycho dictatorial monster heard that his troops had snatched two US reporters last March, he knew he could leverage it into the appearance of respectability. Today, he did. Crazily.

  • Original rumors were that Al Gore would be sent over to North Korea to fetch back Euna Lee and Laura Ling, who worked for Gore's Current TV. But Kim managed to get ol' Bill Clinton himself. Fuck a "vice" president.
  • Clinton reportedly met with Ling and Lee, and it was "very emotional." We bet. For them, it's possible salvation. For him, hey, some other Americans in this fucked up country! More importantly: there seem to be serious hopes that the women will be coming back to America tomorrow.
  • The White House is keeping its mouth shut, except to say what a private, nongovernmental mission Clinton is on. One report said that Clinton relayed a message from Obama to Kim, which the White House denied. Who knows. They can give the crazy man whatever soothing pablum he wants till Ling and Lee are out, then deny it all. This is essentially a hostage negotiation.
  • Watch out, North Koreans can be tricky!

  • Toothbrush-mustachioed xenophobe John Bolton is not happy about Clinton's trip. Huh. Don't you look like an asshole now, John Bolton? Oh yes—here you are on Fox News, just now, sounding like an asshole.