Sonia Sotomayor rocked history books today when she was sworn in as the 111th Associate Justice of the United States, and the first Hispanic to do it. Let's look back at how she got here, and how people are celebrating:
Crazies parsed her Socialist yearbook quote. Fox News went crazy! The New York Post went crazy and was like SOTOMAYOR GASOLINA! New Yorkers, trying to get dinner with her, went crazy! Possibly Rabid Goatmolester Michael Wolff suggested that she might be gay, when he wasn't busy possibly molesting goats! Because she's a woman, there were at-large implications that she was a bizznatch! Diablo Cody hated on exclamation points! Oh, and she hates bloggers! We like her!
We sent an intrepid reporter out into the field. He came back with wonderful results:
The hearings came and went and nobody paid attention because they were really, really boring. Jon Stewart got tired of it and Al Franken had to ask/tell jokes. And then, on Thursday, she got confirmed, despite the better intentions of a few assholes like John McCain. And the end was anti-climactic.
So now, we turn to victory celebrations! And who better to help us than the creeps of the world, extremist political commenters on interweb sites Daily Kos and Free Republic! Now I know we're not supposed to look at these freaks because unlike cockroaches, they really do kind of fade into the background and stop eating your crackers if you don't pay them any mind. But I couldn't help looking at what they have to say. First, Daily Kos: nothing that great. Someone got teary and someone else noted the differences between us and how wonderful they are, or something:
I thought it was funny — and probably not done by mistake — that it was Sen. Franken who got to announce to the world that Sonia Sotomayor had been voted in to the Supreme Court. Think about it: A liberal Jew announcing that the black man's Hispanic Supreme Court pick had been approved. Chew on that trifecta, you haters!
Sure? Meanwhile, the creepy crawlies at Free Republic are naturally freaking the fuck out. There's a board that's apparently being heavily moderated right now: four comments have been removed, already. Things like "Flags at half mast today," "It's over. God Save the Republic," and a Photoshop comparison of Sonia Sotomayor to Manny Noriega are up right now. Classy.
For my appropriate tribute, here's a strange Japanese site with KRS-One's "South Bronx" on it. As for the rest of you, hooray, America, we actually got something done and now the economy might be turning around because someone just got another job. Nice.
[Pic via PAUL J. RICHARDS/AFP/Getty Images]