Heidi Montag's Playboy Spread Confirmed As Impossibly LameS

When it was announced that Heidi Montag was posing "tastefully" nude for Playboy, it was mildly shocking to imagine her controlling little boy-goblin letting her do such a thing. Now it makes sense — she's not nude in the photos.

Rumors circulated last week that Montag didn't actually get fully naked for her upcoming six-page spread, rumors she attempted to shoot down when she told Life & Style yesterday, "I'm not wearing anything in the Playboy pictures...my skin is my accessory." But tonight TMZ is reporting that the rumors of Montag's non-nude spread are actually true, saying that a source told them that the magazine agreed to a strict dictate in order to get her to do the shoot: "No nipples, no vagina, no ass."

It's been estimated that Playboy paid $500,000 to get Montag to do the "barely PG-rated" spread, which is sort of astonishing when you consider that the magazine is hemorrhaging cash worse than most other magazines. Maybe for all of his obvious personal faults, Spencer Pratt's actually got a bit of shrewd business acumen in him, shrewd enough to milk a few easy bucks out of a desperate, near-death nudie publication anyway, which, when you really stop and think about it, seems to be exactly the type of thing Spencer Pratt was put on earth to do.