Somali pirates are dramatic to a point, but they lack that spy-novelesque element of international (supernatural?) intrigue. Luckily, there may be unknown pirate forces lurking in the seas off Europe—they've already grabbed one ship carrying...secrets???

There haven't been European pirates for hundreds of years. But a cargo ship called the Arctic Sea sailed through the English Channel last month and disappeared. It hasn't been heard from since July 28! That was four days after "armed men in masks posing as anti-drugs police" boarded the ship and beat up the crew. Now nobody knows where it is! Have they looked in Hollywood?

"I think there was probably some sort of secret cargo on this vessel, not criminal but secret," [the editor of a Russian maritime journal] told Reuters.

"I don't think that it was pirates who took this vessel but it really smells of some sort of state involvement. This is real cloak and dagger stuff, like a (John) le Carre novel."

This is no joke. Screenwriters, get a jump on it now. Respected international news organization Reuters gives you a helping hand with this actual section head—take note: