Martha Stewart's Twitter Is a Catalog of Death and MayhemS

Martha Stewart is a walking vortex of chaos and destruction, and we know this because we read her Twitter. The latest "accident:" A car simply burst into flames, right there outside her gates.

The mommy mogul tried to explain away the suspicious incident by blaming a sign, which snuck up on the driver, in broad daylight:

Martha Stewart's Twitter Is a Catalog of Death and MayhemS



If we had $5 for every time a minor collision with a flimsy stationary object had caused one of our vehicles to become engulfed in flames, we still couldn't buy anything at Starbucks.

You know, this isn't the first time freak infernos have stalked Stewart. Remember what happened to her precious puppy, Genghis Khan?

Martha Stewart's Twitter Is a Catalog of Death and MayhemS



Then there was that bizarre truck accident on Stewart's estate not two months ago. A large delivery vehicle was sucked in by Stewart's deadly landscaping and nearly wrecked:

Martha Stewart's Twitter Is a Catalog of Death and MayhemS

Martha Stewart's Twitter Is a Catalog of Death and MayhemS



God forbid Stewart ever has firestarting deer-killer Dick Cheney over for dinner; based on the pair's collective records, the entire state would need to be preemptively evacuated.