Straphanger Jerker Perv Nabbed

One subway perv down, countless thousands to go! Kevin Bishop, 44 and "drug-addled" (according to the Post, which does not elaborate), is in jail. But what did he really do wrong?

According to Bishop, he was not actually pleasuring himself on a northbound 3 train while staring at a woman a few seats away. No, it was a simple misunderstanding that could've happened to anyone:

"Yes, that's me in the pictures," career con Kevin Bishop, 44, told cops, according to a statement released today. "My private parts fell out. I looked down and it was out. It just popped out! I was trying to put it back."

Right. Of course. No one bats an eye when that happens to a Hollywood starlet!

Thanks to cell phone cameras, men who wish to pleasure themselves in public can no longer count on anonymity. And now Bishop is being held on $1,500 cash bail, facing one count of public lewdness, which carries a 90 day sentence. Citizen journalism (and tabloid journalism) wins out!