This week in sex and death: everyone who isn't gay, broke, or dead will be soon.
- The gays were so gay, this week. Levi Johnston married Kathy Griffin, because he is a gay icon. A Miami news anchor was fired either for being gay or for being a big ol' drama queen. Perez Hilton launched his lady-hating lady site. Cartoon characters were outed. There might even be gay Real Housewives!
- Thankfully, the straights were not entirely left out. Alex Von Fustenberg is very straight. Very aggressively straight! He will hit you, Reggie Miller.
- Oh, and Annie Leibovitz continues to spread chaos and disorder wherever she goes.
- And Lady GaGa might not be a lady! (She is a lady.) (The Rod Stewart thing is totally true though except it happened to Stevie Nicks and it was cocaine and it was in her vagina, which Lady GaGa doesn't have.)
- Don't ever fucking listen to cops, because all cops are liars. And don't show them your weed.
- Craigslist hookers are using secret codes, now.
- We can't wait for Law & Order to portray hipster grifters and victims!
- No one likes poor Sienna Miller.
- Conde Nast is running out of money, and so there is no more Orangina. Except at Graydon's place. He pays his mortgage in Oranginas, actually.
- Twitter is nothing but psychos and Martha Stewart violence porn.
- Ruth Madoff is innocent!
- Google thinks you are probably an Arab if you fly into JFK instead of LaGuardia.
- This is how the world ends.
- Someone's going to take a shot at Barack Obama, because he Spammed America, with Sarah Palin lies. It might even be one of these proud, patriotic Americans!