Staycation In Hell

The Way We Live Now: Staycationing. It's one made-up trend word that actually is true! Wherever we are, that's where we're staying, cause panhandling's just as good in Missoula as it is in Honolulu.

The state of Florida is losing hundreds of millions of dollars in tourism-related tax dollars this summer. Hotel occupancy is down. Restaurant visits, conferences, and business trips to sunny golf spots are down. Even Disney World vacations are down.

As a native Floridian, I can tell you: this is good. Florida is a mosquito-ridden hellhole full of guns. Stay away, tourists.

Try Hawaii, though! (And you answer, as one: "No, we will not try Hawaii.") Hawaii could really use the money. Tourism spending there is down 15%! Unemployment is at a 30-year high! If Hawaii cannot make enough money from tourists it will have little choice but to invade America, with the aid of its very own Manchurian Candidate now running our nation. Is that what you want?

Go to Hawaii and buy lots of weed and surfing lessons if that is not what you want.

Meanwhile, in New York City, staycationing butts are literally covering every square foot of grass in Central Park. Literally covering it, with butts.

Indeed, the one American vacation that still thrives: Going to Missoula, to panhandle. Pays for itself.
[Pic via]