Your Bernie Madoff Penis Size Update

Yes, we know Bernie "Winky Dink" Madoff had a small penis, thanks to author/ lovah Sheryl Weinstein—but do we know enough about his penis' circumference and performance? Now we do.

Respected finance-oriented news service Bloomberg helpfully provides these updates:

"Bernie had a very small penis," she wrote. "Not only was it on the short side, it was small in circumference. That he was now pointing it out to me was telling. It clearly caused him great angst. I wanted to be careful how I responded. Men and their penises have a strange and unique relationship."

Still, she said: "I liked this man and didn't want to emasculate him. His tiny penis hadn't prevented me from climaxing."

"On the bright side," she concluded, because of its size, "oral sex would be a breeze."

Use this information wisely, investment community.