The WSJ's Threadbare Fashion Advice for the Unemployed

The funemployed should dress for the job they want, not the job they don't have. But with whose money? So keep wearing your ragged clothes. Which will prevent you from ever getting another job. Argh!

It's conflicting advice day over at the Wall Street Journal, who tells the victims of the recession first to dress up, and then that everyone should start hoarding their worn and nasty clothes. First, Christina Binkley tells us that just because you ain't got no job doesn't mean to bust out the Ed Hardy T-shirts. It's time for a snazzier style.

In the aftermath of a layoff, style is critical. And it's about more than the decision to polish a wardrobe. The way people comport themselves after losing a job can make all the difference in what comes next.

But then Neal Templin, after recounting how his wife makes him throw out his suits makes the case for holding on to your ugly, worn-out, pieces of shit that make your ass look big until they literally fall off your body.

I, on the other hand, am hard on my clothes. I walk a lot. I run for trains. I lean on things. I spill food. And I wear a small collection of clothes very intensely. When they get threadbare, I buy new stuff. Not before.

I'm not alone. BIGresearch , an Ohio-based consumer-intelligence firm, was kind enough to throw in a couple of questions for me in an Internet survey it conducted this month. More than 90% of respondents, including 88% of women and 93% of men, said they wait for clothes to wear out before they throw them out. And 59% of respondents said they were holding on to clothes longer now that the economy is hurting.

Exactly. When you don't have any money, it's hard to go out and buy a whole new outfit with a matching tie and pocket square from the Don Draper collection, so you have to hold onto our stuff. But, with your old stuff, you're never going to get a job. And the longer you're jobless, the older and nastier your wardrobe will get. Which means you'll never get a job. Which means no new penny loafers, which means....Argh!

Better to just invest in a good, sturdy belt and hang yourself. It's over.