When our last president went on vacation, he went to a giant make-believe Hollywood "ranch" in a shitty suburb of Waco. No one was inconvenienced by a busload of reporters and phalanx of security. But Martha's Vineyard is a little inaccessible island of salty sea-folk and thousands of incredibly wealthy vacationers! This is no place for a media circus!
Which is why the White House is demanding that the reporters who followed Barack Obama on his vacation not do any "reporting," while they are there. No pictures of the kids without Obama! And no telling anyone where he is going!
Further, added press aide Katie Lillie, there will be no tolerating reporters using cellphones to call or text friends with the president's latest movements on the island. Since the Vineyard has relatively few roads - and it's easy to figure out how Obama would travel from one venue to another - those in the press pool must agree not to telegraph where he's going.
Violators, she said, would be thrown out of the pool.
Plus if they say where on the Vineyard Obama is going, it'll become a shitty tourist trap, like when Bill Clinton wore that Black Dog t-shirt that one time.
Still, if the reporters are excused from doing "work," they can at least enjoy a free trip to the Vineyard. It is much nicer than August in Texas. And after a slow, rainy, recession-y summer, the local business-owners can cash in with Obama-related drinks and merchandise. Make sure to buy some Obama crap from one of island's hundreds of t-shirt stores while you're there, pool reporters!