It's so bad, in fact, that if it didn't star her pubescent model boyfried, Jesus Luz, we'd think it was a fake. Madge, what is going on in your Kabballah-riddled brain?

Today, Popeater got a hold of fifteen seconds of the video for her new single "Celebration," the title track off her upcoming best-of collection. In it, we see Luz playing DJ, which is life's ambition. He looks over and sees a fat man dancing awkwardly. That man is DJ Paul Oakenfold, who produced the track. This happens again, and it's over.

Seriously, when the camera cuts away to Oakenfold, it's like the point in a Saturday Night Live skit where they cut from a real video to show one of their actors doing a funny impersonation. Oakenfold has this look on his face like a pile of soggy oatmeal and his dancing looks more like he's trying to keep a hula hoop from falling and he's failing. And why is he even in this. He's not hot like Madonna's man toy, and it's not like anyone outside of an Ibiza discotheque would recognize him anyway. It's all just bad—and even the party raging around Jesus looks pretty weak.

We pray to all that is holy that this teaser is really some elaborate ruse and in two weeks M will unveil some gorgeously ornate cinematic gem along the lines of "Express Yourself". Even this mediocre track deserves better.