Jeremy Piven Celebrates Victory Over Evil Mercury-Loving Broadway Producers

The arbitrator in the case of sushi-loving Jeremy Piven versus the Broadway producers of Speed-the-Plow ruled today that the producers could not prove their breach of contract suit against the star. But they still think they were right.

Piven pulled out of the production back in December, saying that 20 years of eating fish twice a day had elevated the level of mercury so high in his body that he couldn't function. His departure sent ticket sales into a spiral, even after he was replaced by William H. Macy. The show closed in February, but still made back its investment. Now the producers of the show have no legal or financial recourse against Piven and are still pissed. Their statement says.

While we respect the decision, we strongly disagree with it. We remain eternally grateful to everyone who helped make the wonderful production of Speed- The-Plow possible, especially the artists who created it, and the many who had to deal with very difficult and trying circumstances.

With his mercury in retrograde, Piven is thrilled.

I'm just a theater actor who got sick, and was physically incapable of finishing my run. And now I can put this behind me and move on. And I'm stronger than I've ever been. I had a real health scare, and now I can climb back on the stage and know that I'm strong and able to complete the mission. It's a great day.

Yes, he said "climb back on the stage" not "climb on some stripper named Destiny," which is probably what he meant. And he has a better chance with Destiny than he ever does coming back to Broadway. Hope that, movie thing works out.