Political Metaphors Sold For Economic RealitiesS

The Way We Live Now: With politics superseded by reality. Ideology's fine when everyone has jobs and homes and enough cash for Crispy Chik'n Wraps, but those days are gone. Tear down the border fence! And sell it for scrap!

Mexican people did not like the border fence. Neither did environmentalists. Nationalist racist gun nuts loved it, as did Republican dead-enders. But all can agree: Let's tear that shit down right now, because you can sell off all that scrap metal for probably like 80 bucks or so.

Taste the metaphor! Or don't, because the people tearing down that fence sure weren't thinking about metaphors. They were thinking about Crispy Chick'n Wraps, and the dozens of them they were gonna buy as soon as they got back from the scrapyard. Don't feel bad; it's just the way things are these days. Out of necessity! Even the Minute Men would be ripping sections off that fence if their pickups weren't always full of journalists and leg-shot Mexicans.

Are you an ardent socialist opposed to this consumerist society, man? You'd still take a free job you won in an advertising contest. It's a job! Are you full of 'California pride?' Not so full you won't sell off every last piece of property the state owns, in a tag sale, because your budget gap is so freaking big, dude, seriously. Are you the allegedly fiscally responsible chairman of the Federal Reserve? You will still have your identity stolen. People gots to get that cash.

In other cases, Catholics may turn to prostitution.

The lesson here is don't get too attached to all those slogan-bearing buttons on your backpack. One day you will have to fight off a hunger-crazed hobo by stabbing him with the pin of a "Peace" button, and you better prepare yourself now.
[Pic: Getty]