Broke Bankers Don't Do That Stuff Any More

"None of my friends mess with that anymore," a former cokehead banker who's now neither of those things tells Daily Intel. "It's like they grew up overnight when the banks died." Man. That is some powerful shit. Cocaine, we mean.

FUNNY MAN: "You know how bad this recession is?"
STRAIGHT MAN: "How bad?"
FUNNY MAN: "So bad coke dealers are going through their phone books making cold calls to old customers!"

Formerly respectable coke dealers who had customers flocking to them are now forced to prostitute themselves like common salesmen to ungrateful, newly-reformed customers like the one above, who've really grown up a lot and shit since they lost that Lehman gig and went broke after spending a year and a half as a postgrad making $150k. Even NYU kids aren't getting sniffy. Way to make coke dealers look like evil pushers, macroeconomic conditions.

Still, if this recession saves just one 27 year-old banker from blowing a quarter of his salary on coke, then...whatever.