Ugh. What a terrible cover. "JACKIE: HER LONELIEST BATTLE," really? Was she furious that Audrina sided with Heidi? Did Brad stop calling her? Oh, but wait! Levi Johnston wrote a piece for the issue? Double really?

Sure. Sure he did. The story is not online, so we don't know how long it is or what form it takes but it does explain why Levi was at Monkey Bar. Because now he's a Vanity Fair contributor! Si will probably lend him money to buy some real estate in Wasilla.

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.