Aug 31, 2009 09:49 PM
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Republican South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford became a household name for his affair with an Argentine woman. Then, Monday, we heard that his Lieutenant Andre Bauer does dudes. Now the GOP may have a new, sexy, erotica-writing star: Kristin Maguire.
So, who's Kristin Maguire? She's South Carolina's former Board of Education Chairwoman and a big wig in the state's Republican party. She resigned from the board earlier today to deal with "family matters," a term that's long been a disgraced politico's go-to excuse. It used to work, but now people are hip to it and realize that something scintillating, perhaps even sinister, remains unseen. And, according to the admittedly biased FITSNews, that's precisely the case with Maguire. They claim that the mother of four home-schooled children vacated her seat because of her super-secret hobby: writing erotic fiction.
Yes, apparently there are some similarities between Maguire and a virtual alter ego, Bridget Keeney. Like what? Well, like age, number of children and their background in engineering. That's not much to go on, of course, but FITS claims to have seen documents proving Maguire discussed the matter with Sanford ahead of her resignation and that his administration helped her cover her trail. This wouldn't be a big deal, of course, except for the fact that — surprise! — Maguire was thick as thieves with the "family values" set. She even donated $1,300 to failed presidential candidate and rabid bigot Mike Huckabee last year.
Maguire wouldn't talk to the site, but made no effort to deny the claims. Nor did she address allegations that she and Sanford's chief of staff tried, together, like a family, to scrub the skin stories from the Internet. She did, however, tell FITS that she had been to some of the sites where Ms. Keeney's work was archived.
Of course, none of this comes as a surprise: it's part and parcel for the Republican party, a clan that once included Larry Craig, Mark Foley and, by way of ideological network, Ted Haggard. The Republicans have an unparalleled ability to bounce back from sex scandals. People forget. We, like, have the collective memory of a gold fish, but we wonder if, should the Maguire story gain traction and end up being absolutely, positively confirmed, the GOP can dust itself off from this sort of story.
First and foremost, Maguire's a woman. The most prominent Republican sex scandals involve men, who, we all know, are dogs and are at least forgiven for their sexual appetites, like that prostitute-hiring Senator, David Vitter. As for the gays, like Foley, they're quietly and quickly dropped in the political dust bin, like some long-lost uncle no one can quite remember.
But Maguire's femininity, coupled with her post as head of the state's education board, could force the GOP and its followers to confront two things at once: one, women's sexuality, a topic we're sure the right-wing does not want to discuss and, two, children. She long touted teaching abstinence and intelligent design in schools, a stance that made her popular with the right-wing set. Those same family values groups, one of the GOP's most loyal constituents, also have a long history of using children to induce panic when it comes to the gays, because homos can't control their rampant sexuality and then seduce and transform the nation's children.
It would be hard for those groups to ignore Maguire's alleged prose, like a tale entitled "Continental Cuisine," which features a woman blowing a man while his pal wanks one off. (Sample line: "The rhythmic sway of the train car added to the bobbing of my head as I sucked deeply.")
Another tale goes by the name, "Lauren's Masturbatory Musings." You can only imagine what that one concerns. Both are available at FITSNews' site and are quite tawdry, trashy and downright raunchy, which means they're great.
As much as we may love them, it will be interesting to see how the GOP and, more immediately, Sanford himself react to claims that he knew about this rubbish months ago. It's a bit sad, really: the Republicans have been trying with all their might to remake their image. This doesn't do them any favors, even if it's just an unfounded reminder of the party's previous carnal sins.
Send an email to Andrew Belonsky, the author of this post, at andrew.belonsky@gmail.com.
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