New Coke Deadlier Than EverS

Sigh. It used to be that coke dealers would mix their product with normal, safe things, like baking powder. Well, those days are over, because they've found an innovative new ingredient: levamisole. And it will kill you.

Hospitals around the nation are reporting a scary spike in coke-related deaths and most of them can be traced back to levamisole, a veterinary drug used to de-worm animals. Ewwww.

So, why are drug dealers using this particularly disgusting additive? Well, because it boosts dopamine, which makes you feel all great and shit, but then you die. Hospitals would help you out, but they don't really know about levamisole, so they can't help you. And then you die. (But at least you won't have worms!)

Now, before you go blaming all drug dealers, consider this: first, the DEA thinks those dastardly Colombians are to blame. And, two, pushers are struggling in the economy and need you to think you're getting the best shit ever. Before you die, of course. People must be warned! (Especially coke dealers: you can't help yourselves if you're killing your clients, fools!)

Image via ValerieBB's flickr.