While we weren't loving last night's uneven season finale of Weeds, we were loving Nancy Botwin's parenting skills—or lack thereof. Who wants to be raised by a boring stroller-pusher when you can have someone to bring the crazy?
Bad mothers are like unhappy families, no two are alike, but they are all a whole lot of fun to watch. Not only do they propel several televisions shows, but they will create fucked up kids, and without fucked up kids, where are we going to get our artists, serial killers, fameballs, and future Rock of Love cast members? Here's to the women who are more about lies, drugs, and promiscuity rather than homework, bed times, and grounding.
Why She's Bad: She's an unstable drug dealer who is more concerned with keeping herself alive and getting laid than her children's well being.
Worst Parenting Moment: Younger son Shane gets shot when a Mexican drug cartel tries to execute Nancy.
Reasons to Love Her: She knows how to keep things interesting, and she's populated her children's lives with a cast of memorable characters. And she lets her kids drink, do drugs, and have sex while inappropriately young. She's going to be a great subject for Silas' memoir.
Most Fucked Up Kid: Shane, an alcoholic, masochistic teenage killer.
Fun Scale: 9
Mother's Day Present: Starbuck's gift certificate.
Why She's Bad: This desperate housewife pays more attention to her love life than her kids. Older daughter Julie was more the voice of wisdom than Susan ever was, or will be.
Worst Parenting Moment: Her young son MJ almost getting killed by a mad man.
Reasons to Love Her: Susan is the mom-as-friend that you always wanted. She would fret and frown and put her foot down, but she'll always let you get away with your dastardly deeds and do whatever you want.
Most Fucked Up Kid: MJ is going to have some serious Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after his most recent ordeal.
Fun Scale: 8
Mother's Day Present: A copy of He's Just Not That Into You
Why She's Bad: She's the type of mother that refuses to see her children's faults and will therefore let them get away with anything, and help them to do it. However, her instincts to meddle are almost unbearable and she's unhealthily involved in her adult children's lives. Like all the other Walker brothers and sisters, she likes to keep secrets.
Worst Parenting Moment: Almost giving recovering addict son Justin a fix.
Reasons to Love Her: Who doesn't want a mom to tell you that you're great no matter what? And if you can't call up your mom to gossip, why bother to call at all.
Most Fucked Up Kid: Unrepentant embezzler Tommy.
Fun Scale: 5
Mother's Day Present: An iPhone.
Why She's Bad: In a show full of mad men, she's a mad woman; your classic frosty '60s housewife who is June Cleaver on the outside and Sylvia Plath on the inside. Her children are like another accessory in her home, ones she can't connect to emotionally.
Worst Parenting Moment: Locking her kids in the closet, and smoking and drinking (a lot) while pregnant.
Reasons to Love Her: The hair, the clothes, the perfectly-cooked meals. Betty is retro fabulous.
Most Fucked Up Kid: Sally is already a petty theif, but we bet Bobby turns into the funnest coke fiend at Studio 54.
Fun Scale: 3
Mother's Day Present: Valium.
Why She's Bad: She's a drug addict who feels more comfortable on the job than at home. Also, she's leading a double life and having an affair to keep herself in prescription drugs.
Worst Parenting Moment: Getting in a fight at her daughter's tap class.
Reasons to Love Her: She tries to keep things light and interesting, taking her daughters on outings and spoiling them because of her guilt.
Most Fucked Up Kid: Grace, a neurotic mess with an anxiety disorder.
Fun Scale: 6
Mother's Day Present: A new haircut.
Why She's Bad: We have no problem with her raising a family in the big love of polygamy, but she lies to and manipulates everyone around her, using her children as pawns. Also, she has such daddy issues of her own that she's barely fit to raise kids.
Worst Parenting Moment: Abandoning her brood to move back to the fundamentalist compound she came from, without telling her kids why she left of when she's coming back.
Reasons to Love Her: Nicki is the kind of trainwreck that is marvelous to behold. And when she's not quoting pat Bible platitudes, she can be dishy and fun.
Most Fucked Up Kid: On a show with this many children, we can barely tell them apart from the others.
Fun Scale: 2
Mother's Day Present: A Topsy-Tail