Love Song of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart to Shatter Brokenhearted Teenage Ear DrumsS

RobPatz and Frowny Face ain't going nowhere. Jude Law kept his dick to himself for a night. John Travolta would rather not do your movie publicity. VH1's toning it down. Britney Spears: casting villain. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

  • Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart claim to be "taking it slow," as in, not getting married yet, denying recent reports that Pattinson proposed to Stewart. However, we can probably project, for all of you stalkerish teenage Pattinson fans who have come to the site via search results, and would like to kill Kristen Stewart in cold blood, or at the very least, see her be cast out of the Twilight universe, that (A) she's not going anywhere and (B) unlike the characters of Stephanie Meyer's ridiculous vampire chastity universe, well: they're probably fucking. Have a nice Sunday, kids! [Showbiz Spy]

  • Jude Law opened the first preview of Hamlet on Broadway last night, and he wasn't that bad. Not surprising! But then again, there wasn't an opportunity for him to pull his dick out and violate your (sister/girlfriend/nanny/presumably of-age daughter), so: good to know. [NYDN]

  • John Travolta, wife Kelly Preston, and daughter Ella made their first public appearance at the premiere of Road Dogs since the death of their son, Jett. In all honesty, it looks like they're trying to smile, and would rather be somewhere else. I sincerely feel bad for them, crazy Scientology business or not. Look: [US]

  • Some Malibu shopping center is advertising itself as a Paparazzi-Free Zone. Which is ridiculous. Because nothing in Malibu is Paparazzi-Free. [Page Six]

  • Britney Spears used a music video audition to try to pick up on a model and take him home. This never works for me. Somehow, she didn't anticipate the model knowing that she's got two kids and is absolutely crazy. [NYDN]

  • Tyson Beckford wasn't allowed in the VIP area at Mansion (or, ridiculously, "M2") so he started yelling at a bouncer, and then realized the bouncer was letting him in. I don't get it. Male models and they problems confuse me. [Page Six]

  • Jets fans! You have so much to look forward to. Your hottie rookie quarterback Mark Sanchez listens to James Taylor before games to get pumped up. Hopefully he won't turn his offensive line on to Enya, lest he get knocked into submission after four snaps. [NYDN]

  • More sports: Mets dynasty player Lenny Dykstra snuck his way into today's Gossip Roundup. He has to sell his 1986 World Series ring, because he's now only worth $50K. The world is sad, no? [NYDN]

  • Nikki Beach—an island resort on Turks and Caicos—went bankrupt after the mega-celebrities who used to vacation there drying up. The place had personal butlers and a pillow menu, and you know what? Some extravagances are stupid, but a pillow menu, I wouldn't mind. I mean, that's stupid too, but I'd just love to say to someone: just bring me your fluffiest goose down in complete sincerity. [NYDN]

  • VH1's going to be toning down the format of their reality shows after people started getting killed post-appearance. Because, you know, that's insane. Hey, though: remember Pop-Up Video, VH1? Nobody got killed by Pop-Up Video. Or Rock and Roll Jeopardy, though we did have to watch Mark McGrath school us all is pop culture knowledge. The guy has a MENSA-like aptitude for rock trivia, seriously. Who'd a thought? [Page Six]