Scoring Sunday's Nuptials: Old People Like To Do It, Too

Gawker Weekend's Wedding Maven, Phyllis Nefler, please, tell us: will we have to wait until we're old and wrinkly to find matrimonial bliss? The NYT's Nilla Section Weddings & Celebrations seems to think so. Depends, off, biological clocks, on.

I'm full of hope this morning. It's a beautiful Sunday-–this is my favorite weather, after Beach Weather and Bluebird Power Day Weather-–and for the first time in months I'm not waking up in a crowded sharehouse in East Hampton with a champagne bottle in one hand and a car service business card in another.

(Sorry, you're just catching me in the middle of my weekly Method routine. I can't fully take in the wedding announcements without getting inside the minds of les amants, you know?)

But yes: I'm full of hope. The key to reading the last few pages of Sunday Styles is asking yourself: What is Robert Woletz, all-knowing and all-powerful editor of Weddings and Celebrations, trying to teach us today? Gwyneth Paltrow isn't the only one who has a stake in nourishing your inner aspect, you know.

Last week, that lesson was: cheat on, cheaters! Readers were not happy. "If you wish to celebrate infidelity, perhaps a "Disavows" column would be more appropriate," wrote reader Cameron Holtz. Zing! Watch your back, Maureen Dowd. This week's less-controversial lesson? The Olds can get it on just like you! [Ed. Ew.]

Like Carol White and Gordon Fields, two lovely sounding folks who attended the same congregation and supported one another through the deaths of each of their first spouses over the course of 10 years. Eventually White, 55, and Fields, 68, began dating; today they are getting married in Potomac. Sample Uplifting Quote: "Life is too short not to rejoice at an unexpected second opportunity for this kind of happiness."

60-year old Marsha Crofford was one of the first radiology residents at Nassau University Medical Center, where she first crossed paths many years ago with the married Jason Bitter, now 58. (Fun fact I can't ignore: "He received his medical degree from the Autonomous University of Guadalajara in Mexico.")

Scoring Sunday's Nuptials: Old People Like To Do It, Too

Extremely devoted to her career, Crofford never married, but in 2005 the by then divorced Bitter saw the light and began his pursuit. Today they are getting married in Long Island. Sample Uplifting Quote: "Sometimes things happen and you don't know why. He was meant to come into my life when he did."

This all culminates with the story of Beth Ashley and Rowland Fellows, which I defy you to read without spontaneously clutching your hand over your heart in pure and unadulterated delight. Just

LOOK AT THESE TWO LOVEBIRDS:

Scoring Sunday's Nuptials: Old People Like To Do It, Too

Haha, is that soup? No but seriously, this picture alone is affecting me with the intensity of a thousand episodes of Extreme Home Makeover, and the article only gets better. The two were childhood summer pals in Five Islands, Maine in the 1930's.

"I thought he was very, very cute," said Ms. Ashley, 83. "I kept wishing he would kiss me and become my boyfriend. It was a little girl crush, but it was very serious on my part."

That entire summer of 1938, and three more that followed, Ms. Ashley waited for that kiss. Rain barrels filled and emptied, mail boats came and went, but the long-awaited kiss never arrived.

"I guess I just wasn't a very romantic young man," Mr. Fellows said. "But Beth was sort of a tomboy, and I looked at her as more of a buddy."

Then the war came, and the families moved away; Ashley recalls weeping in the backseat of the car because she knew she would never seen Fellows again. She then went on to kick ass at life, going to Stanford in the 1940's and working as a journalist for decades. Five years ago, a family vacation to Maine "inspired a column about her two early loves: Five Islands and Mr. Fellows." This all led to the pair, both now widowed, to get back in touch.

"I had remembered a boy with brown tousled hair and dimples," she said. "Then out of the restaurant came this 83-year-old man with white hair, though he still had dimples."

Almost immediately, they reconnected, and he suggested they take a trip together.

"She didn't want to at first," he said. "I promised we would have separate rooms. I guaranteed twin beds."

But that wasn't the problem.

"I didn't think I could travel with him because he is a Republican," Ms. Ashley said. "I said I thought I might kill him. Then he suggested we go to Maine, and that was irresistible."

So they reached across the aisle and then they walked down the aisle! Okay, sorry, that was horrible. But anyway, the best part of the story, other than the whole thing is that Isabel Allende, namechecked as a friend of the couple, gives this adorable Sample Uplifting Quote: "Rowland plans to live to be 100, so they have 16 passionate years ahead of them."

Scoring Sunday's Nuptials: Old People Like To Do It, Too

Is it creepy if I print that picture out and hang it on my wall? Wait, don't answer that. At any rate, let's hope that the poor Rev. Christine Shiber crops up in Vows with a nice man friend in a few years, okay? I believe love will find a way!

Some regular-aged people got married in Maine too. For example: Frederick Beck III and Susannah Mrazek, the daughter of a Congressman who wrote a book called A Dawn Like Thunder: The True Story of Torpedo Squadron Eight.

Scoring Sunday's Nuptials: Old People Like To Do It, Too

(And if The Wealth of Nations were to be published today, it would be called Invisible Hands: The Mysterious Market Forces That Control Our Lives and How to Profit from Them!)

Elsewhere, JDate wins again, a bride listed "a small role in ‘Cut Off', a 2006 direct-toDVD feature film" as one of her career accomplishments, this descendant of Peter Stuyvesant sounds like that descendant of Peter Stuyvesant, and the Times makes sure to include its requisite musical theatre-based story.

In lieu of the traditional scoring (which Julie Levison and Joshua Roffman would obviously win: the bride's bio contains the phrases "Rhodes Scholar", "master's degree in economic and social history from Oxford", "research on HIV/AIDS in South Africa", "pursuing a master's degree in public health at Harvard, from which she received her medical degree" and "third year of an infectious disease fellowship") I'm going to do two mini head-to-head matchups.

The Brooklyn Artists: Amelia Alvarez and Mark Champion versus Julia Schwadron and Josh Dick:

Scoring Sunday's Nuptials: Old People Like To Do It, Too

Scoring Sunday's Nuptials: Old People Like To Do It, Too

Wedding location: Solé East in Montauk vs. Full Moon Resort in Big Indian, NY. Point goes to Julia and Josh because Montauk is just becoming too commercialized, you know?
Bride's cred: Amelia graduated from Tisch and has been in an Off-Broadway production and Law and Order SVU; Julia is a visiting painting and drawing professor at Iowa and has had work appear in some art shows: Point goes to Julia because haven't we all had cameos on SVU at some point?
Groom's cred: Mark is "a freelance photographer in Brooklyn" and Josh is "a freelance documentary photographer": Point to Mark for keeping his options open and for having no indication in his bio of having gone to college. Artsy!
Other: Amelia's dad used to write for The Wire and Julia's dad is an editor of the New York Times: Point to Amelia.

Score: 2-2. The Creatives don't like to compete.

The People Who Send In Photos of Themselves in Front of Preppy Backdrops: Kathleen Devine and David Newman versus Laura Mistretta and Nathaniel Kirk

Scoring Sunday's Nuptials: Old People Like To Do It, Too

Scoring Sunday's Nuptials: Old People Like To Do It, Too

Chosen backdrop: Kathleen and David go with the dock and sailboats motif while Laura and Nate choose tennis, presumably the US Open. Point goes to the latter: it looks like they have really good seats! I wonder if it's a corporate box.
Wedding: Philadelphia, PA versus Watch Hill, RI: Points to Watch Hill, although the reference to "Quaker tradition" in the Illadelph nearly made this one a wash.
Professions: Kathleen is an ob/gyn and David a future law clerk to Ruth Bader Ginsburg; Laura and Nate are both finance people: Point to Kathleen and David. Laura and Nate personally stole from your 401k.
Other: Laura and Nate both went to Andover but did not meet "until 2004 at a rowing regatta at Henley-on-Thames, England"; Kathleen's dad is the CFO of Coach: Point to Laura and Nate, because come on.

Total: 40-15 for Laura and Nate. Triple match point.