Tortured Iraqi Shoe Hurler: Adios, IraqS

Ululate your huzzahs, counterimperialist warriors: Shoe-hurling Iraqi journalist Muntader al-Zaidi is free from prison. Where he was tortured. So, Muntader, tell us, are you going to Disney World or what?

"He is going to flee," said his brother, Uday al-Zaidi.

That could be fun too! Muntader (there are about 12 different ways to spell his name, deal with it) reportedly plans to snitch on everyone who helped to torture him—including the government officials who authorized it—so he's clearing out of Iraq for good.

Muntader said he was beaten, whipped, subjected to electric shocks, and left outside in the cold while soaking wet. He's also kind of convinced that US intelligence services might assassinate him! God damn. We swear, US intelligence services, if this guy is assassinated we are going to be so mad, we are going to throw mad shoes, and more. Here's his explanation for what he did, which is fantastic:

"I saw the chance and I seized it," he said. "If those who blamed me knew how many destroyed houses I walked over with those shoes that I threw; and how many times those shoes mixed with the blood of the innocent; and how many times those shoes went into homes where the honor of those who lived there was disgraced, then it was probably the proper response."

Let's all take a moment to remember what a great man George W. Bush was.