The innocent civilians of the Hawaiian islands are being stalked by a bloodthirsty baby seal, which circles a lagoon plotting how to kill humans twice: First, with cuteness; then, with drowning. Cutie patootie, or aquatic psychotic?
The predatory sea creature with the ominous name "KP2" was raised by people, so now all the kids think it's all well and good to swim around with the sweetie pie baby seal. Sure yea real fun until one day he just decides to drown you:
Seal experts worry that KP2 risks loving people to death. "We've had experiences before where a 300-pound animal is just looking to play and then starts holding people underwater for too long."
"Loving people to death." Just what the seals want you to think. Foolish humans are actually begging the government not to relocate the furry attacker, which grows more powerful every day as he dines on fish and "playfully" drags humans under the water, where they cannot breathe. Think this is some sort of "isolated incident?" Then, please, we invite you to make a futile effort to explain this actual portion of a newspaper story from the prestigious Wall Street Journal, about an animal named RO42—who, like KP2, was a killer seal:
But as RO42 got older, she began pulling people under the water and in one case, broke somebody's skin with her love bites. RO42 garnered even more attention when she blindsided the actor William Shatner, who was swimming nearby, and assaulted him.
If Captain Kirk himself cannot fend off (sexual?) assault from these monsters of the deep, what hope do you have? Evacuate at once, Hawaiians. We're gonna nuke this bastard.
[IN THIS STUNNING VIDEO A DOG FIGHTS KP2 IN AN EFFORT TO SAVE HIS MASTER'S LIFE. Pic: Eric.Demmers' Flickr]