Jessica Simpson and the Tale of the Dead BitchS

Jessica Simpson hopes a coyote returns her dog. Bill hoped that Hillary would be Al's vice-president. And Jude Law's baby-mama hopes to make a buck. Good morning, and welcome to your Wednesday morning Gossip Roundup!

  • Jessica Simpson is holding out hope that her beloved pooch Daisy still walks among us, despite the fact that she saw it snatched by a coyote. We're not sure which is more sad: the dog's apparent death or the fact that Simpson thinks it could still be alive. [Star]

  • Tom Delay, the former lawmaker who is now on Dancing with the Stars, has been injured after his old ass body couldn't keep up with the show's high-stepping ways. [MSNBC]

  • Sean Penn doesn't let the grass grow under his groin, for the actor has moved on from Robin Wright with a model named Jessica White. [NYDN]

  • Here's a shock: Samantha Burke, the woman knocked up by Jude Law, has been talking to publishers to get the highest price for an interview and pictures of her new-born love child. Asking price: $200,000. That's one pricey call girl, huh? [Page Six]

  • Rudy Giuliani's gay friend Howard Koeppel insists the former NYC mayor won't run to be the state's Governor. Well, that's a relief! [Page Six]

  • Bill Clinton wanted Hillary to be Al Gore's vice-president. That obviously didn't pan out.... [Gatecrasher]

  • How rude! A Ukrainian church has called Elton John, a known homosexual, a "sinner" after his aborted attempt to adopt an orphan from the country. [NYDN]

  • Oh, good Christ! As if Taylor Momsen weren't already on a highway to hell, the poor girl's now saddling up to Lindsay Lohan. [Just Jared]

  • Meanwhile, Lohan has been bringing her little — 15-year old — sister to night clubs. Shouldn't this help build a case against Lohan's mother, Dina. It should. [MSNBC]

  • Haha! While Whitney Houston's enjoying new-found success, Bobby Brown's griping about the fact that he's fat. Bloated, we thinl but let's not get picky. [TMZ]

  • George Clooney said he would rather have a man's cold finger up his bum than have a Facebook page. Hmmm... [Page Six]

  • British "model" Katie Price says someone famous once raped her, but her ex-husband doesn't seem to know what the fuck she's talking about. We wonder why. [Daily Mail]

  • Megan Fox says she would never own a gun because she would shoot someone, like boyfriend Brian Austin Green. He was better off with Donna Martin, no? [Page Six]

  • Ricky Gervais once said it was alright for a funny man to be over-weight, but now he's slim and svelte and, some think, simply too thin. We think there's no such thing! [3am]