America Is Quite the Foppish MacaroniS

The Way We Live Now: Making the hard choices. Maserati or Benzo? Expensive Yankees tickets or very expensive Yankees tickets? Hamburger or the whole cow? Macaroni or less macaroni for the same price?

It's good to know that in these hard times, the Wall Street Journal stands prepared to guide you through the troubling questions we all face when money runs tight: "I planned on getting a 2010 Mercedes-Benz E-Class sedan to replace my 2007 BMW 5-Series. Then I was surprised by prices of used Maserati Quattroportes."

The only way that it would be permissible to run this in a national media outlet would be if it was asked by Jimmy Groves, the NYC man who just won $168 million in the Mega Millions, but still eats hamburgers! "I still have to pay my rent, lights and gas," he said as he accepted his fortune. And how! Why can't the Wall Street Journal be more like this lottery winner? Why can't Jimmy Groves buy Yankees tickets for everybody in the whole city? Oh, because even though they are "reducing" prices, the tickets are still "crazy mad expensive."

And in this day and age.

Elsewhere? You don't even want to go elsewhere. Let us "clue you in" concerning what is going on elsewhere. Here's a scenario for you, recession friend: You wander into a nice Romano's Macaroni Grill location, ready to consume a delicious 1630-calorie Dessert Ravioli. What's this? It's been removed from the menu. Fine then, just bring me some macaroni, grilled. Then they bring it to you and you're gobsmacked to find the calories have been cut significantly. Yet they still have the nerve to charge you money for it, as if it were food. I bet the "health nuts" did not add this into their do-gooder calculations: That butter-stuffed macaroni cheese pie was our only food of the day because we're poor.

Stop killing us.
[Pic via]