Mark Penn's Column Now 100% About Mark Penn's BusinessS

Trendy flack Mark Penn promised the WSJ that his evil PR firm would stop using his newspaper column as a tool to troll for PR clients. Instead, he's just writing columns off of surveys by his own polling firm!

His new Microtrend: "Grandparents to the Rescue." Aww! Mark Penn is a cuddly scamp. Tell us, sir, where did you come up with the insightful and potentially profitable insider knowledge that led you to write this eye-opening [Summary: Recession's on, grandparents are working less, babysitting more] journalistic column?

We recently did a poll of grandparents in America, and the state of grandparental devotion in America is strong.

Who is this omniscient 'We?' It's Mark Penn's polling firm, Penn, Schoen & Berland Associates. Usually polling firms have to have PR people make up fake story angles from polls like this and then desperately pitch those angles to bored reporters. But Mark Penn can just write it up in his very own WSJ column!

Your decisionmaking skills are vindicated, WSJ. Carry on.