Story of Dumb Woman Not Winning Contest Becomes Tragic Tale of Political Oppression

Beauty pageant loser Carrie Prejean spoke to the "Values Voter Summit" in DC today, and if you love crazy eyes as much as you hate gays, you will enjoy her little talk.

Did you know that God wanted her to be Miss Universe but then I guess God changed his mind and made her a martyr to political correctness instead, or something? It's true! But don't worry: "even though I didn't win the crown that night, I know that the Lord has so much of a bigger crown in Heaven for me." That's right: she is going to die and become Jesus.

You can watch all 15 engrossing minutes of her speech here.

Send an email to Alex Pareene, the author of this post, at alexp@gawker.com.

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