A young gentleman on Twitter asks, "I found the new montauk monster. Gawker, where you at???" Well, we're right here, young "hellatightshit." And what is it you have for your friends at Gawker Monster Investigations? UPDATE! He's named!
EEEE!! What the fuck is that thing? Email me, please, so for the sake of science, we can understand the slaughtered beast that lay in front of us. Also, naming suggestions, please.
PREVIOUSLY: The Panama Gollum!
BEFORE THAT: The Southhold Something Creature!
AND EVEN BEFORE THAT SOUTHOLD CREATURE: The Spotted Taunting Toronto Doe Thing!
AND WAY BEFORE THAT, LIKE, WAY BEFORE THAT TORONTO THING: The Lime-Soaked Limey!
AND THEN THERE WAS THE Monster Who Is Not So Much A Monster As It Is A Four-Earred Kitty!
THE ORIGINAL GANGSTER: Him.
Update: Let's get to know Carmello the Cowbeast—which I've decided to name him, just because—a little better.
EWWWWW. Our monster-spotter, Evan, notes:
I met this deceased beast at 6am this morning in Carmel, CA [Ed. Hence, his name]. His face looked pretty gnar, and there was still fresh blood around the nose that was getting sucked back out to sea by the waves. Crazy right? Ugly little fella. Mezoloic era, if I'd have to guess. People and dogs were ignoring it like it wasn't even there -but I can assure you- it was.
Gnar, indeed. Evan, Gawker Monster Investigations thanks you for your hard work and commitment to the cause. We will continue to seek out the truth regarding washed-up monsters, both of the figurative and literal kind, for as long as we possibly can. The truth is out there.