Relax: McDonald's Global Economic Domination Is Safe

There is nothing—nothing—more American than McDonald's. So would weird, less-American competitors please stop trying to overtake McDonald's dominance? Soon, Subway will have more stores than McD's. What pansy message does this send to the world? Americans eat cucumbers?!?

Ad Age breaks down the impending crisis: McDonald's has 32,158 "restaurants," as they call them. Subway has nearly 32,000, and it's gaining fast.

The average U.S. McDonald's had about $2.3 million in sales last year; the average Subway made about $445,000, according to Technomic.

Yea Subway, call us when you have like 165,000 stores. Then we'll talk. And 'Starbucks?' McD's pisses on you too. You cannot defeat the American Middlebrow.
[Pic via]