Kids No Longer in Danger of Smoking Embarrassing Cigarettes

Suck down the last sickly sweet puffs of your precious Warm Winter Toffee Camels, kids, because as of today, flavored cigarettes are illegal in America. Time to move up to the real stuff!

Can we simply state the obvious here by saying: Don't cry, kids. "Flavored cigarettes," what the fuck, really? "Camel Exotic Blends by R. J. Reynolds, which had flavors like Twista Lime, Kauai Kolada and Warm Winter Toffee." How many other, more potent drugs did you have to be on for those flavors to sound appealing when mixed with tobacco, and set on fire?

Tobacco is nasty. It's supposed to be nasty. It is not supposed to taste like various flavors of pie. "Flavored tobacco" is for hookah smokers who spend all day lounging around cafes rather than blazing trails and building railroads and slaughtering native populations.

Kids No Longer in Danger of Smoking Embarrassing Cigarettes

In other words, good old-fashioned unflavored cigarettes helped make this country great. You can smoke them on a horse (obv.) without everyone for the next ten miles downwind wondering where that distinct Kahlua aroma is coming from. And cloves? Don't even start with that. "Cloves." Come on.

The point is, now kids will go straight to the unfiltered Luckies, and save their "flavoring" for the weed, and for mixing with Everclear. Your health is the most important thing, next to maintaining America's badass rep.