Stop right there, because an alert reader has sent us an authentic sighting of Arthur "I Play an Enormous Prick on the Internet" Kade. Right here in the "Big Apple!" It involves something doughy.

Saw Arthur Kade goose-stepping his way through the 34th Street 123 station at 5:45 PM. He has the strangest walk; he puffs out his chest and thrusts his hips out. The overall effect is that of someone with something down the back of their pants. He was eating something doughy and chewing with his mouth open.

Thanks, alert reader C! Arthur was visiting our humble burg for his "Biggest Audition Yet," which makes him a little weepy:

Arthur Kade Does the Doo-Doo Pants Walk

I spoke to my dad who was getting a colonoscopy (It must suck to have some tube thrown in your ass) today, and told him, "Do you realize that your son is famous?", and he joked back, "I'm happy that you keep telling me", and it was one of those special father-son moments that makes me realize that the Kade bond between us is what has allowed me more than anything to become a budding superstar, and knowing that my dad watches "The Journey" and probably thinks, "My son is a once in a lifetime talent", is what keeps me going through the tough times because in the end I want to take care of my parents and buy them houses in Palm Beach to retire at.

Arthur Kade is the internet's best writer since Emily Brill.
[Watch the above video at once.]