So! Gossip's equivalent of Boris and Natasha—Rush & Molloy—came correct today with some LOLCAT-fighting between Elizabeth Edwards and Rielle Hunter. Contained herein: internet commenting, birthday spoiling cancer, John Kerry as "Richie Rich," etc. Let's take a look.
- Talking to a divorce lawyer,
- Refuses to sign off on any confessions that her husband fathered Hunter's kid,
- "Vehemently opposes" a plan to have Hunter move near their family's Wilmington beach house, and
- Has been commenting on the internet under the commenter name "Cherubim." Maybe she was on here? Who knows?!
As you all continue to discuss Lisa Druke's lastest pay day story from the National Enquirer. I think you all should remember these important facts: John and Elizabeth Edwards have been married for 31 years. They had four children together, three are living, and one, recently, died. Elizabeth Edwards has stage 4 cancer. Any decent human being would not have inserted herself into their lives, and then sold stories about them to the National Enquirer for monetary gain. Lisa Druke, a.k.a. the Rielle (Real) Hunter fills me with disgust. I hope someday to never hear anything about her again.
- Edwards supposedly slept with other women besides Hunter. Obv.
- Elizabeth made John sleep in the barn after she found out about Hunter. She'd come in the middle of the night and start screaming "accusatory rants" at him.
- Hunter has a psychic. This psychic's name is Bob. Bob told Hunter how she should handle this thing and, presumably, to move to California.
- Edwards used to talk a bunch of shit on John Kerry until Kerry brought him on as his running mate. He called Kerry "Richie Rich."
- And the "best" one: Edwards had to call off a birthday date with Hunter. Now, you don't cancel on someone's birthday, because that's mean. But if you found out that day that your wife's cancer returned, you might tell your mistress to hold off no matter what day it is, because, you know, you need to handle this one. So he did. And "an unsympathetic Hunter screamed at him."
And honestly, I don't even know what to do with this:
Ted Kennedy once told Young about a would-be assassin who managed to get into his Senate office because one of his bodyguards was having a gay liaison with one of his top aides.
So, in conclusion, if this is true: John Edwards is a cooze, hell still definitely hath no fury like a woman scorned by a cooze, Ted Kennedy was almost killed because of a Gay bodyguard doing it on the job, and twenty years down the line, these are going to be the worst family reunions in the history of family reunions.
But really, John Edwards is definitely a cooze, regardless of this one. Reille Hunter's insane and meanspirited. Elizabeth Edwards is upset that the guy she loved and had a family with turned out to be one of the slimiest dirtballs in the history of slime, so she can't really be blamed for anything but being in pain. And Andrew Young's book is going to sell many, many, many copies.