The Kardashian Family Are America's New Economic Crisis

The Kardashians are richer than they should be. Michael Douglas: trying to protect his kids from cocaine. Tori Spelling's husband's ex-wife doesn't suck. A celebrity was an asshole. Courtney Love and Hugo Chavez: hooking up? Sunday Morning's Gossip Roundup:

  • The entire Kardashian family—who we've somehow let become famous for having a sister with a big ass—is making a shitload of money. Read this sentence: "Kim split with her boyfriend of two years, Reggie Bush, in July. Kourtney announced she's pregnant with on-off boyfriend Scott Disick's baby in August. And last week, Khloe announced she'll marry LA Lakers forward Lamar Odom after a whirlwind romance of just a month." And Page Six explains how this is somehow a hugely moneymaking enterprise. If you thought the banking crisis was bad, the fact that the Kardashian sisters somehow made a cool mil out of those events speaks volumes about where money's going these days: into the liposucked asses and cheeks of the Kardashian family. Oh, also, this: "'She's negotiating a magazine deal for Khloe's wedding, around $250,000, another deal for Kourtney's baby, and there will probably be yet another deal when Kim eventually gets back together with Reggie,' our insider said." Wow. Just...wow. [Page Six]

  • Michael Douglas is trying to keep his kids busy while filming Wall Street 2 and while Catherine Zeta-Jones is in rehearsals on Broadway: Page Six spotted him inquiring about children's classes at the JCC. Anything to keep them away from coke-connoisseur Scarface director Oliver Stone and Shia LaBeouf, a psychotic director and the kid who ruined the Indiana Jones franchise. [Page Six]

  • Sometimes, in the world of reality television, people make good decisions: like deciding not to be a part of it. For example: Tori Spelling and whathisname, Dean McDermott, they have that show, right? Well, the producers called McDermott's ex-wife, Mary Jo Eustace—a Canadian TV chef. They have those??—up to sign on to the show and create as much controversy as she could. She declined, probably because she knows how much reality TV and the people in it absolutely suck. And maybe she should have! McDermott sleazily left her for Spelling in one of those shitty somebody-wins, somebody-unfairly-loses divorces. Instead she told the producers to fuck off, and also, if her son—over whom she shares custody with McDermott—ever appeared on the show again (censored face or not), she was gonna have to cut a bitch. You go, Mama Bear! Also, she's writing a book called Divorce Sucks. True, but people suck even more than the awful processes they create. [NYDN]

  • Same item: LeBron James goes to a Marquee party three hours late, is a dick to the patrons who came to the clurrb to see him. Heads straight for the VIP, doesn't talk to anyone, gets pissy when he doesn't get what he wants. To the people who fought tooth and nail to go to this thing: what'd you expect? You're stalker-y fans going to a club to see a basketball player be famous. You got what you paid for. Team LeBron. [NYDN]

  • Florida Gov. Charlie Crist made Page Six, huh? He was at some fundraiser at New York Jets owner Woody Johnson's place when someone asked him whether he was for Florida or New York in this week's game. Page Six says he turned beet red. I wish he just turned into a beet. [Page Six]

  • Louis Farrakhan stayed at Russell Simmons' place recently, while Farrakhan introduced "Libyan brute" Moammar Khadafy outside the UN. Apparently, Minister Farrakhan has 75 security guards? Thought having that much security about Farrakhan was soooo 1994, but whatever. It's New York. People love a good posse. [Page Six]

  • And VICE makes Page Six this morning, too. Their director of video and new media, as well as their communications director, have been taken from the realm of politics. VICE is gettin' serious. Alex Detrick, TALKY DOUCHEBAG, or whatever title VICE is going to give him, comes from Andrew Cuomo's office, where he was the press secretary. Kate Albright-Hanna, who worked on President Obama's team as their video person, is going to be VICE's VIDEO HOT NEKKID CHICK, or whatever title they're going to give her. Their spokesperson tells Page Six: "We didn't go to J-school, we don't care about market research or handsome anchors, and we are making up our own rules as we go along. That's probably why all these squares want to work for us now." Comment needed? Fine: yes, this makes me like VICE more. The placement of the item, the hiring, the quote, everything. Good on them. [Page Six]

  • Melrose Place hottie and sister of Elizabeth, Andrew Shue, is getting married! To Amy Robach, who Page Six makes some interesting notes about: "the hottest female on TV" and "agreed to marry (Andrew Shue)" amongst them. Playing up the inaccessibility factor, much? Jesus. Someone lost a bet to a publicist. [Page Six]

  • Courtney Love was charmed by Hugo Chavez. Then again, Courtney Love could also be charmed by a lampshade. [NYDN]

  • Aw. The guy with the fro from Season One of American Idol who lost to Kelly Clarkson is getting married to some girl he's known since high school. That's sweet. [NYDN]

  • Bruce Willis informs readers that he has no plans to start "breeding" again. Good. [US]

  • Jaime Pressly got married, too! Her wed mans is now Simran Singh. His qualifications? ""What's important is that they realize there are other ways of taking care of me that have [nothing] to do with money. Like cooking me dinner or going to the grocery store or picking up after yourself." This is likable. [NYDN]

  • Kelly Rutherford now has a restraining order from her estranged husband. That's sad. On, like, five different levels. [US]