Pay No Attention to the Bulls Literally Rampaging Through Urban Streets

The Way We Live Now: Rootin-tootin! Hot as a tamale! The market is booming! Stocks are soaring! Investors are throwing, literally, packets of money, as projectiles! They hit companies and companies merge together! Bulls are running the streets! Dangerously!

Lay back and light your cigar with a one hundred dollar bill in a gleefully stereotypical manner as you take in this information from the respected Wall Street Journal: "A fresh round of corporate dealmaking on Monday helped lead to broad-based gains for stocks, which are closing in on the best quarterly climb in more than 10 years." They says "Stocks Leap," which is a powerful and evocative action word.

Leaping, upwards!

When you're right in the midst of a big huge once-in-a-decade rally directly on the heels of a hellish financial apocalypse followed by a totally jobless "recovery," there is only one thing to do: the most risky thing possible! Investors are fleeing from investing in Iraq just because of its total lack of safety or functioning government? Rush in headfirst, waving bags of money! Analysts are wary of the secular nature of the ongoing horrific collapse of all ad-based media? Go to Ad Week and party the fuck down! It's a party! An ad party.

Scared of the fact that statistically most corporate M&A's are failures? Fuck it! M&A's: Do them! Everyone else is. Do it for the economy of America. Do it for financial trade reporters, and corporate culture consultants, and, most of all, for the bankers.

They need this. Otherwise they're just floating around and getting spooked by the possible metaphorical significance of a 1,400-pound bull rampaging down the streets of Paterson, NJ, before being forcefully subdued by police. Which is not good.